JOKE OF THE WEEK: Donald Trump goes on a fact-finding visit to Israel.

While on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and dies. The undertaker tells the American diplomats accompanying him, "You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land, for just $100." The American diplomats go into a corner for a few minutes. They tell to the undertaker they want Trump shipped home. The undertaker is puzzled. "Why would you spend $50,000 to ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100?" A diplomat replies: "Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can't take the risk." 


Alfred dunhill: Cigarettes

A church in London had rules that it would not employ anyone, without formal high school education.

The old pastor was benign and not a stickler of rules. He allowed Alfred (who lacked formal education) as the caretaker to clean the pews, sweep the floor and keep the podium spick and span. Alfred had put off taking his high school examination till it became too late. Once the old pastor retired, he was replaced by a younger person who followed the rule book. As he came to know about the caretaker's education, he issued a notice to him that either he should get a high school certificate in six months or he should resign.

Alfred knew that you could not teach an old dog new tricks and that he had no option but to resign.
He started his afternoon stroll in deep thought and got into Bond Street. Suddenly, he felt an urge to smoke. He could not find a single tobacco shop on the entire street. He walked further down into a side street where he could purchase his cigarette. He came back to the busy Bond Street. He realized that a small cigarette shop in the street would be a sound business proposition.

He resigned at the church and started a small shop on Bond Street which prospered way beyond his expectations. He noticed that many of his customers were coming from the other side of the street. He started another shop on that side of Bond Street. The two shops multiplied to four and then sixteen In three years, Alfred Dunhill Co. was soon a leading tobacconist in England.

He started machine-rolling cigarettes and introduced his own brand of Dunhill cigarettes. In five years, he was a millionaire many times over. To ensure a consistent supply of tobacco, he entered into an annual purchase agreement with a couple of American tobacco farmers and went across to America to meet them. It was a big boost for the American tobacco farmers and the contract signing ceremony was converted into a media circus, with a Senator and Governor participating. When the contracts were actually signed, Dunhill affixed his thumb impression because he had not learned to sign his name.

The Governor was impressed and said, "Well Sir! This is awesome. Even without a formal education, you have achieved so much. Just imagine what you would have done if you had a formal education!"Dunhill's characteristic, often repeated reply, was, "If I knew how to read and write, I would still be sweeping the church!"

Morals:

There are opportunities everywhere. Just identify and pursue it and with hard work and luck, you will soon find your way to the top.

For the Fallen

LAURENCE BINYON

With proud thanksgiving, a mother for her children,

England mourns for her dead across the sea.
Flesh of her flesh they were, spirit of her spirit,
Fallen in the cause of the free.

Solemn the drums thrill; Death august and royal
Sings sorrow up into immortal spheres,
There is music in the midst of desolation
And a glory that shines upon our tears

They went with songs to the battle, they were young,
Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow.
They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted;
They fell with their faces to the foe.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

They mingle not with their laughing comrades again;
They sit no more at familiar tables of home;
They have no lot in our labour of the day-time;
They sleep beyond England's foam.

But where our desires are and our hopes profound,
Felt as a well-spring that is hidden from sight,
To the innermost heart of their own land they are known
As the stars are known to the Night;

As the stars that shall be bright when we are dust,
Moving in marches upon the heavenly plain;
As the stars that are starry in the time of our darkness,
To the end, to the end, they remain.


By accepting you will be accessing a service provided by a third-party external to https://www.catchupnews.org/

Recent Comments

Guest Dolce & Gabbana backtrack on IVF comments after #BoycottDolceGabbana campaign
17 July 2017
I can't see anything criminal here Someone loves men, someone women and that doesn't have to influen...
AustinBaker Diego Costa pelted fans with celery during Chelsea's victory parade
23 February 2017
Excellent article, I am one of the fan of him. He's challenged his side to enjoy more bus parades in...
LottieChilders 50 Cent to stand trial on sex-tape charge despite having filed for bankruptcy
25 December 2016
The assignment and essay writing are very important and required of the training of the http://top-1...