Becoming a master chef is one of those dreams that most of us let fall by the wayside in favor of ramen dinners and takeout. As anyone who has ever given it the ol’ college try can tell you, cooking certainly has its ups and downs.
For some aspiring culinary artists, there are a lot more downs. That’s because cooking is pretty hard, and it almost always requires more than you think it will. Who among us has failed to pre-plan properly and ended up falling miles short of Ina Garten?
Luckily, no matter how bad your dishes might turn out, there’s no way they’re anywhere as bad as these folks’ food fails! Gaze upon the horror:
1. “They were supposed to be smiley faces.” Oh really, they were? What sort of cruel god would bring these into the world this way? There’s definitely nothing to smile about when you come out of the oven looking like this.
2. “Hreeeeng!” What sort of evil porcupine concoction is this? If anything, the spikes on these rodents should tell you to stay away from them anyway. And let’s just hope that those aren’t grandma’s dentures they used for the teeth…
3. Let’s face it, having to cook for your entire family every night comes with a lot of pressure. It’s only understandable if you can’t take the heat then you get out of the kitchen. Ah, the joys of using a pressure cooker.
4. What sort of deformed biscuit massacre happened here? It looks like this baker shouldn’t have counted their chickens before they hatched out of the oven, because they all transformed into one massive monster pan of carby horror!
5. They do exist! People have long wondered whether aliens walk the Earth, and it looks like it’s finally been confirmed. Good luck communicating with this extraterrestrial, though, because it looks like he’s been cooked over easy.
6. Here’s a lesson everyone can stand to learn. If you’re attempting to make a meal and somehow turn pasta into a lava flow, then you’re probably better off not cooking at all. “We call it Sauron’s Stew, and it’s disgusting.”
7. There’s no way this banana bread is going to turn out good, because the baker clearly couldn’t read the instructions without their glasses on. “Honey, have you seen my glasses? I would loaf to see how my bread turned out.”
8. This is why we can’t have nice things, especially at your children’s school functions. On the other hand, Dick Pops sounds like a pretty awesome 1960s college basketball coach. He never would’ve let something like this happen. “You’re cut from the team for this one.”
9. Here’s a good name for your band: Bacon Speedo. This either turned out perfectly or terribly and no one is really quite sure which it is. Just back away slowly, before this haunted baby suddenly stands up and runs after you.
10. Again with the pressure cookers! Didn’t you learn your lesson last time? There’s just too much pressure to make the perfect meal, and no one should have to live up to those standards. “Guess we’re ordering takeout again…”
11. If you’re cooking pizza in the oven, it’s probably a pretty good idea to utilize those baking sheets. Otherwise, you’re going to mess up all the orders. “This is definitely not what I meant when I asked for a mushroom pizza…”
12. Parents always advise their college-aged children to cook pasta while they’re away at school. It’s typically foolproof and ready in minutes. So, could someone explain how in the world this could even happen? “Thatsa spicy meatball!”
13. In the world of specialty cakes, there’s always something new coming out that sets a new standard for food artistry. We don’t even want to know what’s going on here or what’s coming out of it. That’s the last time they order cake from Butt’s bakery.
Wow. Those… were… something else. It’s enough to make you want to forget trying to cook and just leave it up to the professionals.
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