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Sunday, 16 June 2019
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How to figure out if it’s love or lust?

How to figure out if it’s love or lust?
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Ever questioned yourself if you were actually in love, or is it just lust?

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You should know that you could never fall in love instantly; it’s something that will happen over time. The transition to deep and romantic love from the initial attraction is somewhat predictable and depends on a lot of different factors.

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Love is a powerful feeling of affection for the other person. It’s an intense and caring charm that creates an emotional connection between the two.

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On the other hand, lust is an intense desire of a sexual type, which bases on physical attraction. Lust can change into profound and romantic love. However, it usually takes some time.

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Lust can be transformed into love, once both the persons know each other so well and have created a certain bond. They are aware of one another’s strengths and the weaknesses to leave the fantasy level behind.

Dr. Helen Fisher, who is a renowned researcher on the subject of romantic love, has acknowledged three stages of falling in love; in her outstanding book (Why Him? Why Her? How to Find and Keep Lasting Love).

Which stage do you see yourself at?

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Lust is the very first stage of being in love. Desire pushes it. And the sex hormones play a vital role in this stage. As per the experts, this stage might initiate straightaway and could last for up to two years or more.

Signs that you’re in lust:

Your focus is entirely on the physical appearance.

There is an intense desire of having sex, however, having no deep emotional talks.

You would rather want the relationship to be on a fantasy level, not involving any true feelings.

You are lovers, but it’s not necessary that you are also good friends.

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In this stage, you are stricken by love. You can’t stop yourself from dreaming and thinking about them, you have lost your appetite and your sleep. The neurohormones, which play a significant role in being attracted towards the other person, which are norepinephrine, serotonin, and dopamine. These are the hormones that make your heart beat fast and also make you feel like going crazy.

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When the couple knows each other quite well, and they have a strong bonding, they know each other’s strengths and the weaknesses and still want to be with one another, love each other, also accept each other for who they are. That is the time when the hormone of love known as oxytocin takes charge. It is something you can call as a commitment hormone. It is released at the time of an orgasm and is thought to strengthen the intimate bonding between the two.

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The theory goes on like that the more a couple is having sex, and the deep will be their bond with each other. Because it’s said: where there is love there must be the madness. Addiction and love, both have a similar type of brain chemistry. So if you are not in love with someone try not to sleep with him or her, because you can only have an orgasm with someone you share a bond with. So whom are you kidding when you say that you are only keeping it casual? You can only bond with someone with whom you have experienced some sort of pleasure.

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This kind of love is not only an emotion; it’s also a desire. There is a deep emotional craving; your love drive is stronger than your sex drive.

Being Possessive. When you crave for just that single person, you know you’re madly involved in romantic love.

You wish to spend some quality time, other than just having sex.

You get lost in deep talks without having a track of time.

You motivate each other to be a better version of yourself.

You wish to meet with their family and their friends.

You can’t take your mind off of them.

When you reach this point, it’s best to try and balance both love and lust. The happiest couples are those that can switch between the two and make sure neither of these feelings take over the other.

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But most importantly, enjoy this journey of discovering the self, figuring yourself out. Learn about yourself through your lust and if you’ve found the right person, your lust will automatically transform into transcendent, romantic love!

Another point to keep in mind, you can’t rush these feelings. They will always come naturally. Just let things flow and you’ll soon end up fine!

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