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Sunday, 18 August 2019
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Hypothetical Situations Claiming Royalties

Hypothetical Situations Claiming Royalties

There has been vehement uproar in the news this week as hypothetical situations are finally speaking up for themselves.

Tired of hearing themselves prefaced with ‘Imagine if…’ and ‘Let’s just say…’, hypothetical situations across the UK have gone on an organized strike, in wherever anyone would go if they decided to go on a strike tomorrow. Chanting things that you would imagine they might.

Hypothetical situations have spoken out against the long-suffering abuse they have endured from chancers worldwide. Mr. Worst-Case-Scenario has been particularly vocal.

“I am often made light of by people who are generally trying to coerce other people who are not enthusiastic about a particular action to do that very thing. People have manipulated who I am and what I’m all about in an attempt to inspire the naïve and hesitant to do ridiculous things. For decades drunken youths have been using my good name to promote bad behavior. My name has been attached to moonings, knock and runs, affairs and quite a few presidential elections in the United States. I am sick and tired of being associated with unplanned pregnancies and HBO shows that are cut after the pilot episode and I have decided to claim royalties. If I was rewarded a penny for every time my name was used without my permission, I would donate my earnings to irony because what’s the worst that could happen?”

Miss ‘The World is Your Oyster’ is suing for defamation of character as parents everywhere have misled their children using her as a pawn. Wearing sunglasses, a hoody and shakily smoking, Miss ‘The World is Your Oyster’ spoke about her experience, between taking gulps from her bottle of Devils bit cider,

“Like…it will probably be grand like…but actually no…like Ireland more so than any other country in the world has tarnished my reputation. Sure…clueless parents who barely know what their children study have continually told their offspring that once they graduate the world is their oyster. Lo and behold when they can’t even manage to wrangle a few part-time hours in the local spar long after moving home with their parents, they blame me. But, like…they will probably be fine because, sure, there’s plenty of spars in France.”

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