NYU to remove Appendix from books due to danger of Appendicitis.
Several volumes of literature have exploded in the NYU library and preliminary investigations suggest that it may be the result of appendicitis.
Professor J. Abrahams spoke about the incident earlier this morning:
“Well…”he began before pausing briefly to pick up a nearby pigeon and blow his nose on it’s feathers, “Sorry…sorry you had to see that.”
He then shouted,
‘Be free, little one!” and threw the animal full force into the ground…”I meant to let go earlier. I meant to let go…earlier.”
After a couple of moments apologizing to the pigeon, we retired into what he described as his office and what the average onlooker may describe as a cluttered table in the middle of a student café.
“Yes,” he began with fervor, “yes! We had a little bit of an explosion in the lower section of the NYU library yesterday and it was nothing, absolutely nothing to do with a vintage gas cooker I recently purchased and accidentally left in aisle B. As head of the investigation, I have come to the illusion that at least one hundred books on a variety of topics, from a variety of genres exploded due to appendicitis. As a result, I have ordered the faculty to begin removing the appendix from each book as they see them, whenever they feel like it.”
He then proceeded to demonstrate by picking up a nearby magazine and saying,
“The process of recovery goes a little something like this.”
He continued to tear pages at random out of the magazine.
“The issue here is there is no appendix in this magazine. But imagine what I am holding is a book. And what I am tearing is the appendix. And what I am feeling is relief.”
This is the first case of appendicitis books have ever experienced and hopefully will be the last.