Successful Love Stories And How They Began:

Successful Love Stories And How They Began:


As Valentine's Day approaches, our research team decided to get to the heart of what makes a good relationship. We took to the streets and carried out a study of the origins of long lasting relationships. Extensive surveys have whittled it down to four primary possibilities. The following four case studies detail the origins of the majority of successful, long-lasting relationships.

(1) Mary and Simon

“Well, I was walking down the street, minding my own business when out of nowhere I heard the dulcet tones of my future husband holler,

‘Hey honeybadger, I’d like to milk some jam out of your bee-hind.’

The poeticism, the lyricism, quality stuff. It was the animal imagery and the delicate touch with which he slapped my ass that drew me to Simon.”

(2) Jamie and Clarissa

“We were both attending a promotional event for our university, titled “Get crunk, not pregnant” and met out back consuming what was left of our respective bottles of Devils Bit and Smirnoff Ice. After a cheeky little mouth vomit, Clarissa latched onto me for balance and from that moment we have never been apart.”

(3) Joan and Maud

“We were both in deep gook and itchily waiting in a queue for the STD clinic. We maintained severe eye contact in the entire time and when we were both diagnosed with chlamydia, we knew it was meant to be. Of all of the STD clinics in all of Chinatown, she had to stagger into this one.”

(4) Diana and John

“John and I met each other at John’s funeral. I thought he was a bit unresponsive at first but then I began to find his silences charming. Treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen as they say and to this day, I am still absolutely mad about him. I think that his aloofness is very attractive. (giggle) He is also drop, dead gorgeous.”

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