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Wednesday, 19 June 2019
enzh-CNfrderues

The Internet Announces Early Retirement:

The Internet Announces Early Retirement:

After years of threatening not to work and often not working sporadically, the internet has announced early retirement. This news has come as a surprise to literally everybody especially the people reading this blog because they may think they are using the internet in order to do so…

After nationwide outrage, the internet spoke publically about its decision to retire:

“The job was simply too much. The hours were too flexible, the travel requirements were too international and I simply became too in demand. I don’t know how this happened. When I came out first, I was led to believe the job would involve innocently entertaining a few geeks but the position evolved into entertaining the masses and, if I may say so, in some cases the entertainment wasn’t too innocent. I don’t know how I allowed it to get this crazy…I think I made myself too available. Towards the end, it felt like nearly everybody was using me. Also, the job became extremely dangerous. Every day I was being stalked by questionable or unrecognizable devices and I really didn’t feel safe anymore. The final straw was when they dragged my family into it. Whatever about using me but when people started trying to avail of my wifi I had to shut the whole thing down.”

A lot of people have reacted angrily to the news but no group more angrily than the angry birds, who feel that the internet has jeopardized their careers by going into early retirement. Google is also said to be upset but when we attempted to search for the browser after the interview with the internet had ended, he was nowhere to be found.

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