Monday, 06 April 2020

Theresa May resigns

​English Prime Minister Theresa May declared her resignation from the position during a brief and teary speech in front of her Browning Street lodging. May will now have to relocate from the place, and it is unknown to Catchupnews what her new occupation will be. Perhaps taking evening classes at Hogwarts – she may learn some magic in order to fina...
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Baby storks in UK after centuries long wait

​Some things are just worth waiting for. After months of prolongated separation process between Britain and the European Union, with all the affairs and unfruitful liaisons connected to it, most of the people following the news could experience the loss of appetite and other cravings. But not the storks. They somehow felt obliged to mingle and bree...
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Police bans McDonald's milkshake in Edinburgh

​Police banned local McDonald's outlets to serve milkshake or ice-cream during Nigel Farage's campaign rally in Edinburgh, fearing that full cups could be used as missiles against the campaigners. The ban comes after several incidents involving prominent politicians and dairy drinks, most often milkshakes. As Catchupnews was told, soft drinks were ...
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Brexit drained Britons but they can always sip Brexit energy drink

​Two Polish guys got a simple yet efficient idea on how to cash in on the ongoing Brexit drama - by launching an energy drink called Brexit. The name Brexit is in honour of politicians, magicians, failed lovers, and constant fablers from both sides of the Channel. It tastes just like them – overly sweetened, bubbly, and alluring, but with long...
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Mrs May questioned about her European liaisons

Theresa May, British Prime Minister, was once again questioned about her affairs across La Manche, this time by MPs on the Liaison Committee. The MPs wanted to know all about her plans for the future, and whether she thinks she got the right one and if their relationship is serious, Catchupnews reveals. "I'm reluctant to put an actual date on it, e...
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Theresa May on Easter break

​After a long series of unfortunate bonding with her European partners, Theresa May decided she needs a break to reflect on everything she has been through. Catchupnews was told by street colporteurs that's she is now enjoying herself in London suburbs, eating her favourite food and drinking her beloved Danish lager, commenting on EastEnders, and c...
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French president Macron tried to put veto on Brexit delay

The last meeting in Brussels could have gone awry for Brits - French president Emmanuel Macron threatened to put a veto on the Brexit delay. Catchupnews was unofficially told that Macron got severely jealous because Theresa May is a couple of years older than his wife Brigitte. The fact infuriated him to such an extent for he thought he married the...
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May and Corbyn's date didn't go as planned

​Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn's date wasn't a success everyone hoped it would be. The couple met last week to discuss terms of their future engagement, but soon realised they were completely incompatible and failed to accomplish a breakthrough. Corbyn confirmed that so far, the two of them had not clicked, but proposed yet another date - tonight. ...
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Theresa May now calls Jeremy Corbyn on date


 Theresa May's decision to now focus on Jeremy Corbyn caused an uproar in the British press. The reliable sources informed Catchupnews that May is trying to set a date with Corbyn in order to fix their previous misunderstandings. Meanwhile, Jean-Claude Juncker declined Mrs May's demands for more time to consider their relationship and decisive...
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Illusionist Uri Geller will telepathically force Theresa May to ditch Brexit plans

 Isreali-British illusionist Uri Geller professed his wish to stop Britain from leaving the EU by telepathically influencing Theresa May. Uri said that he would use any necessary force to make Mrs May abandon her complicated Brexit plans, including his well-known skills like bending ,speeding watches, dowsing around the Parliament, and finally...
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